Channeling negativity into something good

I've been pretty open about the fact that I recently took a hiatus from writing and my online presence as I struggled with anxiety. Long story short, anxiety sucks and is far more crippling than I could ever have imagined.

I have beaten it into submission for the most part, but I still get anxiety attacks. They come in different forms, some where I'm obsessing over every little situation to the point where I want to scream at myself to chill the hell out. Ok, sometimes I do that. Doesn't necessarily help, but it's amusing to audibly yell at yourself ;)

Other times, I get antsy and claustrophobic around people. I get incredibly overwhelmed and can't stand the noise and it feels like everyone is just pressing in on me and getting into my personal space, even if they're not. I'm not claustrophobic by nature, in fact I like seeing what tight spaces I can fit myself into. In high school, I was very proud of the fact that I fit into my locker on my own. Of course I tore my pants on the way OUT of the locker and had to safety pin them closed for the rest of the day, but that's beside the point.

This type of anxiety attack hit me the other day at work. I hated it, felt helpless and like I was going to crawl out of my own skin. Instead of letting myself be crippled by it though, I opened up to a few people when it was happening. Then I decided to harness those feelings and wrote a scene from Dante and Marisa's book.

It was more cathartic than I'd ever thought. When I was younger, I'd write poetry when the anxiety got bad but I'd lost touch with that practice as I got older. Writing this scene was so amazing because it rekindled the calm that I felt after getting my emotions out on paper. I ended up loving what I wrote and have a new tool in my arsenal to battle back the anxiety.