Resolutions

As we get closer to the end of the year, I started naturally thinking of the New Year's Resolutions.


Let's face it, most people who make them don't actually keep them. Every year you make a resolution, you may try to keep it (or you may have forgotten it in a drunken haze), but after a few weeks you move on. Gyms make me laugh so hard at the beginning of the year because they are PACKED with hopefuls. Take a look around March? It's back to only the die hards.


Anyway, since my release day was an epic one (12/13/14 for you Americans), I'm going to make my resolution now. Consecutive days won't happen again for a long time and I'm a little OCD so I've decided it's fitting.


Starting new things TERRIFIES me. It doesn't matter if it's writing a new book, a new coding project, a new pretty, whatever. I can't explain the overwhelming anxiety that hits me and makes me run. So here's my resolution: When I'm terrified to start something new, I'm going to force myself to push through it. Even if I literally write gibberish, if I want to start a book, I'm going to start it.


It's a small thing, but it's not going to be easy. The way I figure it though, I've already come much farther than I ever thought I would. I wake up in the morning able to just role out of pain without feeling like I'm 80. I don't have to spend an hour working my hands until I can comfortably move them enough to really get down to business. I'm no longer in constant pain and afraid nobody will believe me.


I'm no longer trapped by my body and the ravages of my anxieties. I still have them, don't get me wrong. I do ache still, especially at night when it's getting time to take my Celebrex. I still get scared in groups of people, but I'm pushing past it instead of cowering.


So there you go. My resolution is a simple yet difficult one: Start something WHEN I want to. Don't make excuses, don't say I can do it tomorrow, don't let fear hold this one last major part of me.


You've heard mine, what's going to be your resolution?